Already I feel like I'm gone or lost or something. ALONE. That's what I feel. I know I'm not, I've got a good home, a sister ho loves me and would give me the world if it was possible, a brother in law who likes me and his family who thinks I'm pretty cool. Still though I feel ALONE. have you ever found yourself feeling so compleltley lost and alone that you cant stand it or take it anymore? I mean like everything's not working at all. Yeah, that feeling the one where it all feels hopeless. I miss so much. I miss my brother, I miss my best friend. I miss when everything was okay, but why do I miss what I never had? Right now at this very moment I want my father, but thats a want and a need thats never going to be fufilled. I wish I could say the words father, dad, daddy, or anything that means that, but I cant. And it hurts. I'm walking through parks and waching kids in the stores and I see them with their dads and I just want so bad for that to be me. Running to my father and holding on to him, but I cant.

I'm so happy to be home! Yay! I got home last night at about uh midnight, and then got home home at about 1:30 - 2:00 am. I had so much fun in SOUTH DAKOTA, it was crazy. I went shooting, I shot a .22 a 16 gauge and a pistol (.45). It was exciting to say the least. I met my brother at my sisters wedding, that was awesome. We talked about stuff and what not. Awesome! I met Pat Becca and Nelson and Marilyn, awesome people, oh yeah and Topher. Well counseling camp was fun, I dont know about actually being a camper. Wow, I thought I would have more to say, but I dont, Im too tired to even think of everything that I did, all I know is I am happy to be back!

Okay well I'll see everyone in 4 weeks, yay! I think miss ya all, all shall be missed and what not, going to south dakota so yeah well anywho gotta go finish packing. Ciao!!

eylo. Okay so I dont have the $25 yet, but there is no way I'm missing Warped Tour. Seeing as how MatchBook Romance is going to be there, I have to go! So I'm thinking I've got from today until the 29th to earn some money, and then have my aunt buy them before I leave on the 30th, I'm thinking that maybe if I ask Gian if he's going he might say yeah and I might be able to tag along with him, money wise. If not, I'm not going and I think I would be heartbroken. Well lets see, I was out pretty much all day and night yesterday with my sister... ::sighs:: Shopping. We had to get some shorts for South Dakota, apparently it's really hot and dry there and no amount of lotion will keep your skin from drying... But yes so I got some shorts, even ones that I liked, these awesome cargo shorts. Leigha didn't want me to get them though >.<  Then we went to Denny's for lunch, now that was just plain nasty. Our waitress was really dirty and she coughed into her hand and then stuck her hand in our plates while she was brringing our food to us. So me and leigha left, we couldn't even eat after that, we finished our oarnge juice and just left; of course we paid though... I need a new guitar badly!!!! My acoustic has a few cracked frets. Right down the middle, it only lasts about 3 frets, but still, that and it's old, it de tunes itself now. I was playing yesterday for about 5 minutes and it was out of tune!!! I need a new one... but I dont have any money, so this means I will be bumruckus out of luck until the school year starts, but then that means that I wont be able to make my Demo Cd like I was supposed 2 weeks ago. Well, I bought a swin suite, and believe me I hate swim suites they are the worst to shopping for. I ended up getting abother Tankini, eh it's okay I suppose. Me and Leigha are supposed to be heading down to the beach to get a 'tan" my feelings on this are... my legs look whiter than milk this problem must be solved. So we bought some sunscreen that is "special" sunscreen. It's one of those "I'll protect you from the sun and give you a tan yay!" sunscreens, plus it came with a bonus aftersun... whatever that is. But it does smell yummy. Okay it is extremely early, but I am practicing for camp, go to sleep at 11 and wake up at 7, not too bad kind of like school. I got my camp  package for being a counselor, we work in partners. One guy and one girl, and I thought they were preventing "boy/girl chasing" anyway so I got assigned Tom, dont know who he is and he doesn't know me, which if you ask me is weird, but cool all in the same. We have to do a lot, but I dont mind I suppose. I'm actually kind of excited, mostly because I'm finaly leaving florida... YAY!!!! Well, I guess this is all for now.... Until next time Amer... er... People!! Ps. If you would like to donate to the Send Jess to Warped Tour Fund, I would have no problem with that...

Hey. Well I am so out of date with my journal. At least I think so. You would think seeing how it is summer time I would have more time to deal with my website and my journal entries, well nope. I have been doing so much and going through so much. Everything is just one giant chaotic whirlwind. Some of it has been good, like moving in with my sister, but other things havent been so great, like my mom wanting to fight to get me back. I love my mom to death, but I dont want to go back. I'm going to be playing guitar at this summer camp I'm going to be a camp counselor at, so I'm pretty excited about that. Of course I miss all my friends though. Some of them I have their phone numbers and screen names and what not, but others I didn't even get to see the last few days of school.  So 3 weeks of South Dakota should be fun, I guess I will enjoy getting away, God knows I need it. Other than that some other news has come along here and there. I wont get into details. I miss Joey though, I haven't talked to him in a month, I just hope he doesn't think that I've forgotten about him. Well maybe this is all I have to say for now, if not I'll be back later with more fun and creatinous activity. Ciao!

I can't believe it, well I can sort of this kind of crap is to be expected from my mother, Apparently, when the police hold reached it's ninety day limit the detective called my mom and asked what she wanted to do, and she said pick it up, she was supposed to meet the detective at the pawn shop and she never friggin went... can you  believe this. I am so mad at her....

Well here I am again... a lot has happened in these last few days. Maybe  about 2 days ago my mom called, I really dont want to get into that. I went to t the pawn shop to see if my guitar was still there on police hold, but they wouldn't tell me unless I had the report and unless I had the thiefs name. So the next day we went to  the lake worth police department to get the report and then headed back over to the pawn shop... that didn't go over to well, the guy told us that it had been sold a long time ago.... so needless to say I was angry and I'm still pretty upset about it. So we called the detective to ask him about it and still no news, I'm just hoping that if I stick with "bothering" the cops they'll either get the guitar back or give me the amount that they were going to sell it for. They owe me big time. When it was first stolen last year the man that answered the phone for the pawn shop flat out said they hadn't recived any guitars that day, but on their records it says it came in aound 2pm and I called at 4pm so they set thereselves up. I'm considering taking the issue to court.... and for those of you that dont know, it's a Les Paul Special Gibson Epiphone ... so I'm pretty bummed out about that.

    Well, so much has happened recently and all of can not be written down, I'm just hoping that things will get better. I have a few things going on right now, so forgive me if I haven't updated the site in a while.
I'm in a band now... who would have thought... me in a band? Well we're called Color Printer... you csn check out our website at
www.freewebs.com/xxpoetsheartxx

well have a lovely summer ...

Okay well, four days is far too long for me not to write in here, excuse me type in here. Anywho somethings have been normal and lets just say others are a bit on the "Uh...mmmm...right" side. So a recap of the last few days would be. I went to school, I went home, did some thinking, to tell the truth I should have thought just a bit more. I went to school again, went home, went online, talked to some friends, tried to talk to Tony, tried to talk to an old friend of mine but it was useless... ummm, I didn't go to church, I have to sort of find a new one to go to. What else, I ate a yellow apple, and I don't care what anyone says, it's yellow therefore it is special... mmm I now have 3 husbands a fiance and a wife... glad I didn't have to go through the whole dating aspect of the relationships... anywho other than that I did nothing, watched the doggy's washed my bed sheets and stuff, ate, slept, watched some movies, and now I am here again at school, it's a horrible cycle I tell you and it must be broken. well I guess this is all for now... I didn't get those Cargo shorts *pouts*.... AND

EARLY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY WIFE...LOL...PATTI! 

Well once again I am here in class, because ther's nothing to do everyone is on the compuetr. Of course maybe I am the only one writing in an online journal, which by the way is time consuking and I had to stop writing in my pen and paper journal.. but thats okay it has other uses. like writing down useless nonsense that has a possibilty of becoming a song, kind of like the one I wrote yesterday, I'm not saying I can write songs but I thought it was pretty good, so just for shats and giggles here it is... the commas will act as line seperators.

It not easy... by me!

(verse 1) School is over for the year, saying goodbye to all the friends I made, I'll miss all the times we had in class, when we didn't work we just laughed, and all the times the teachers yelled at us, (chorus...)    I'm throwing away all my school stuff, keeping all my memories the same, maybe we'll meet up over the summer, talk about all those times in class, it's alright and it's okay, been dreaming about this day, but it's not easy to be leaving all my memories with you. (verse 2) walking down the school hallway for the last time, as we all say goodbye, we talk about all the stuff will miss, like being yelled for not paying attention, F's on tests we didn't study for, the notes the teacher took and read outloud in class, and the times we fell asleep in class. (the end) here's the ordering now all it needs is music.. any takers?? (verse one) (chorus) (verse 2) (chorus) (secondpart of chorus.. starting with It's alright) (the end)

well there's my creativity for well, the last 2 days... buh byes.. or toodles, or maybe peace, or maybe.. okay how about bye!